F*ckin' Idiots!

End of an Era?

2004-02-17T15:24:00.000-05:00

I'e decided to forego the F*ckin' Idiots! blog for a new moblog from the NYC subway system. Subtext is a much better read and more fun for me to write. Enjoy.

Suspect Calls For Help When Stolen Truck Gets Flat Tire

2004-01-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

Steal truck, get flat, call cops. Nice.

The S factor explains Bush's popularity

2004-01-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

The S factor explains Bush's popularity is an entirely different view on a F*ckin' Idiot. This article is intelligent, articulate and accurate. If we all band together, we can squash the "S Factor".

Triple Threat

2003-12-27T08:22:00.000-05:00

Last item in this article is a criminal so dumb that he incriminated himself THREE TIMES for different crimes. In two of the cases he presented ID before robbing the clerk at gun point.

This article is a strange assortment of stuff, but there is a bonus right above the dumb criminal story... Apparently Louisiana is cracking down on illegal florists. Good for them.

Designer Drugs Need to be Dry Cleaned

2003-12-24T21:51:00.000-05:00

This F*ckin' Idiot sent his coat to the cleaners, but forgot to remove his drug stash. Druggies are not known for their superior intelligence, but they ARE known for being able to account for their drugs. This guy? Forgot he had about $8,000 worth in his coat. Nice work.

Wrong or Wright?

2003-12-18T16:55:00.000-05:00

A lot of people are saying that "Two Wrongs Don't Make a Wright" after two attempts to replicate their original flight failed. I disagree with the cynicism. (Yes, Matt, you heard me right.) I think that this just goes to show how ingenious they were and how hard they had to work to prove those first few flights.

Kudos to the Wright Brothers - let's tag the naysayers as F*ckin' Idiots.

Crook Loses Appeal Filed on Grounds of Stupidity

2003-12-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

Is this the "dumbest crook of the year? The local district attorney thinks so, but those of us here at F*ckin' Idiots know better. This guy is up there, but not the dumbest. He tried to rob the same teller that had, moments earlier, refused to cash his check. Then he pleaded that the stupidity of his crime proves he was drunk and, therefore, not responsible.

I got drunk last night at a friend's holiday party. I was completely responsible for my irresponsible acts.

SADDAM HUSSEIN - Living in Holes

2003-12-14T10:42:00.000-05:00

I have to give a big F*ckin' Idiot shout out to Saddam Hussein. You all (all three of you) know that he was captured by coalition forces - but that does not make him a F*ckin' Idiot. One of the two most wanted men on the planet, with tons of connections and power in certain circles, was hiding where? In a hole under a farm. We'd all been thinking that he fled to another Arab country to set up shop again, but meanwhile, he was barely surviving.

He's to you, you F*ckin' Idiot!

Travolta: Urban Space Cowboy

2003-12-13T15:16:00.000-05:00

NASA's recent problems with exploding shuttles, scrapped missions, cost overruns and dwindling budget have left it rather desperate. Apparently this desperation is so severe that they have invited John Travolta to be the first "celebrity in space" and possibly be a space pilot. Rumor has it that this invitation is not just for a passenger flight, but for the Urban Cowboy to pilot a craft.

As stupid as this all sounds, Travolta is a proven pilot (proven to scare the crap out of Hollywood neighbors with low fly-overs in his private jet) and a little celebrity press for NASA couldn't hurt. So who is the F*ckin' Idiot here? Travolta, of course. He is worried that he won't be able to get five months off from Hollywood to train. HELLO?!? Mr. Travolta?!? How much cash do you have? Turn down that bad role in a sequel to Phenomenon or Michael and get the hell over to NASA, ASAP! Fool.

Google Search: how to get rid of lo-jack

2003-12-11T18:47:00.000-05:00

I've decided to take page from the book of ScaryNY and check out what people are searching for to find F*ckin' Idiots. This F*ckin' Idiot thinks Google will tell him/her how to remove a LoJack system. I assume this seach is not because they lost their password.

Knit one + purl two = four.

2003-12-10T22:52:00.000-05:00

It turns out that India has decided not to allow it's teachers to knit in class anymore. Perhaps your company will now think twice before it outsources it's work to India. I think the teachers might be pretty smart to knit in class, sorta like a second income, but unfortunately the children will grow up to be morons.

Police Follow Snow Tracks to Criminal

2003-12-10T20:01:00.000-05:00

If you are going to flee the scene of a crime,either avoid snowy areas or try covering your tracks. This guy "is charged with driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an injury accident" and being an all-around dumbass.

Noisy Neighbor in Nara

2003-12-10T19:57:00.000-05:00

In Nara, Japan, a woman was arrested for attacking her neighbor with noise. Sounds silly, but read on... The noise barrage was from a dozen radios and alarm clocks, and went on for seven months! How does this go on that long before authorities step in?

I visit Nara recently while vacationing in Japan. This is a city where you are surprised there is bus service, or even electricity, because time has stood still. The concept of this noise-capade just makes no sense and has tainted my view of all Nara-ians forever. Well, ok, that's kind of harsh, but this story is still absurd.

Florida Catches the Latest Craze. Hacky Sacks.

2003-12-08T18:42:00.000-05:00

The Miami Herald, ever the pinnacle of current trends, reports on the new trend of playing "foot bag" in Florida (they use "foot bag" noting that Wham-O owns "Hacky Sack"). I'll bet the participants have mullets and wear parachute pants as well; can't wait for the Herald's breaking news on those fashions.

I'm sorry to report that I lived in Davie, Florida for a while - where one of the "hackers" in the article lives. I am not surprised the he'd be from there, that place is easily twenty years behind the rest of the world. In fact, they have a real, live Rodeo Arena there. Ugh.

Chip Slip Liability

2003-12-08T18:35:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry to report that the American craze of frivolous litigation (and successful ones at that) has spread to some of our (not so nearby) neighbors - Scotland in this case. After slipping on a potato chip, this former teacher won a suit against the school for failing to keep the hallway clear.

"The risk created by the nature of the surface and the slope of the ramp, and of food spillage, ought reasonably to have been foreseen and guarded against." I think the best way to prevent this "foreseeable" risk would be to remove all the floors. No floors, no liability for danger on the floor surface.

By the way, what the hell are the "school jotters" that she was carrying and how is this relevant?

Apparently Maine Doesn't Get Weather Channel

2003-12-08T18:23:00.000-05:00

Group of students missing after a weekend camping trip got overrun by blizzard. Over 30 inches reported in nearby areas, but the trip went on according to plan anyway.

Isn't it some cardinal rule of campers to check the weather?

Louisiana School: GAY is a Bad Word

2003-12-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

A Louisiana school punished 7-Year-Old Boy for talking about his family - which happens to consist of two lesbian moms. He was publicly scolded and forced to attend a "behavioral clinic" at 6:45 AM just for saying that his parents are two gay women. The "behavioral clinic" was nothing more than forcing the child to repeatedly write on the board, "I will never use the word 'gay' in school again."

It doesn't take a civil rights activist to know that this is utterly ridiculous. Unfortunately, it does not surprise me that this story comes from the Deep South.

Voyeur, Prostitute, Woman, Naked

2003-12-03T17:14:00.000-05:00

I think this article is trying to score well for pervert searches on Google. I can't make any sense of why this F*ckin' Idiot climbed UP a building to see the naked corpse on the ground after falling from the building. Whatever, he's still a complete idiot.

Xbox Rage

2003-12-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

Man gets angry that his roommates were playing too loudly, so he shoots there Xbox with his gun. The story reports that "the 9mm gunshot did not penetrate the system and did not injure anyone at the scene." What the hell does that mean?!? Is a Xbox considered a hardened system?

"Foot in Mouth" Awards

2003-12-01T18:46:00.000-05:00

This year's Foot in Mouth Awards have been awarded by Britain's Plain English Campaign. While I find it interesting that the awards have traditionally gone to Americans and not Brits, I certainly can't say I find this surprising.

My favorite award winner is the Governator. "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman," said newly installed California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Another good quote is the sarcastic comment from the Award Spokesman, John Lister regarding Rummsfeld's award winning, most baffling comment. "We think we know what he means. But we don't know if we really know."

Geophysicist Controls Nature with His Mind

2003-12-01T18:37:00.000-05:00

Whatever. Roger Hart claims that he and his hiking buddies used visualization techniques to mentally control a life threatening blizzard. Again, Whatever. I do believe in mind over matter, but to a point. If we could control nature with our thoughts, I doubt I'd have ever let a childhood baseball game get rained out - and you can rest assured there'd have been more snow days.

The best is when he says that our brain "has a wireless connection to nature." This proves my theory that spending too much time in an office with a wireless network can cause permanent damage.

Fire Marshal Cancels Ice Hotel Construction

2003-11-30T19:37:00.000-05:00

This one is a little off - an Alaskan fire Marshall is forcing an "ice hotel" to cancel construction due to safety violations.

Somehow I don't think a hotel made of ice is a fire hazard.

Bush Inconsiderate of Bush(es)

2003-11-25T13:54:00.000-05:00

While it is certainly not news to say that Dubya is a F*ckin' Idiot, this one just makes me ill. Bush and his cronies managed to cause more damage to the Royal Gardens at Buckingham Palace than 30,000 attendees at previous parties have caused. Some of the rare plant species may never recover and the flamingos are truly traumatized.

My favorite quote in the story:
"The Queen has every right to feel insulted at the way she has been treated by Bush," said a Palace insider.

But, then again, I misread the quote as:
"The Queen has every right to feel insulted at the way she has treated her Bush," said a Palace insider.

Charlie caught thinking with his small head again

2003-11-25T10:47:00.000-05:00

Despite the innuendo of the title, there is nothing sexual going on here. Instead, I'm talking about Charles Booker, a California man accused of threatening spammers with death. Now, I do happen to think that spammers are among the scum of the Earth and should be exterminated. However, just because I get dozens of Penis Enlargement messages a day does not mean that I have a problem. Well, maybe I do, but I am still not threatening to send the spammers some Anthrax spores.

Alligators Outsmart American Teenagers

2003-11-24T20:23:00.000-05:00

However, I will take this opportunity to speculate that the average alligator is smarter than most American teenagers. This is not a scientific study, but this Ohio teenager thought he could slide down the chimney to get into his house after locking himself out. Apparently he did not effectively calculate the opening needed for him to successfully complete his descent. On the other hand, it is only an urban legend that alligators have been found in NYC sewers.

Why is this? Alligators can do the math - most NYC sewer lines, despite the tremendous volume that passes through them, are 12 inches in diameter and smaller. None too cozy for an alligator of similar girth.

Obscene Road Name? Come On!

2003-11-24T18:31:00.000-05:00

6FU. Is this an OBSCENE name? Local residents think so and I think that they are a bunch of F*ckin' Idiots.

This story is reminiscent of an earlier post about Butt Hole Road. I consider this much more offensive. Unless, of course, the residents are a bunch of Butt Holes.

NOTE - I award myself a F*ckin' Idiot award for not posting in ten days. Bad, bad, me.

Klan Initiation Goes Horribly Wrong; Nation Lacks Sympathy

2003-11-24T16:09:00.000-05:00

No commentary here. Just a C&P from CNN

JOHNSON CITY, Tennessee (AP) -- A bullet fired in the air during a Ku Klux Klan initiation ceremony came down and struck a participant in the head, critically injuring him, authorities said.

Gregory Allen Freeman, 45, was charged with aggravated assault and reckless endangerment in the Saturday night incident that wounded Jeffery S. Murr, 24.

...

A bullet struck Murr on the top of the head and exited at the bottom of his skull, authorities said.

On a positive note, I am happy that the Klan seems incapable of conducting a sucessful lynching these days.

Ship to: Timbuktu

2003-11-14T12:30:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that this man has got the fares on Orbitz beat. Next will be some crazy terrorist, covered in anthrax. My suggestions for the next time, he should wrap his head tightly in bubblewrap, because it was apparently damaged this time.

If that link doesn't work, maybe this google cache will.

Roy Moore Fired

2003-11-13T13:18:00.000-05:00

The Alabama Court of the Judiciary has officially fired former Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore, who thought it would be a good idea to defy a federal court order, and flaunt his disregard for the First Amendment, based on his twisted interpretation of Constitutional law. It took prosecutors just 25 minutes to argue their case against Moore. Chances are he will be disbarred, as well.

Freedom: 1. Fuckin' Idiots: A billion.

We're gaining on them.

"Thank God we have dumb criminals."

2003-11-13T10:30:00.000-05:00

Connecticut Governor John G. Rowland was quoted as saying "Thank God we have dumb criminals." Never mind the article or the context, but wouldn't we want to thank God if we had NO criminals? I don't see the value here. "Hey, God, thanks for the dumb criminals. Please send more. Your pal, The Gov."

Dog Shoots Man

2003-11-11T23:20:00.000-05:00

Michael Murray of Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, seems to have forgotten the rules of Firearms Safety, a sadly too common occurance among Fuckin' Idiots. Leaving a Loaded Shotgun around a stupid dog is not a good idea. The dog stepped on the trigger, wounding Mr. Murray in the leg. Quoth the idiot: "It was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me."

There's a difference between bizarre and stupid, Mike.

UPDATE: School drug raid video

2003-11-11T17:51:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: Here is the video mentioned below. Thanks to Matt over at ScaryNY for this.

Police Raid High School - WMD Not Found

2003-11-11T10:20:00.000-05:00

While they really weren't searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction, local police in Goose Creek, SC were unable to find the drugs they were looking for after raiding a local high school. I can't find the video tape online, but you should see this - they threw students to the ground, handcuffed some and searched locker and bags - all with guns drawn. Makes my high school memories, well, rather sweet.

Nuclear Weapons Lab Loses Keys

2003-11-09T15:09:00.000-05:00

In keeping with today's "F*ck the Taxpayer" theme, a nuclear weapons lab that lost 12 Keys will cost us about $1.7 million to replace the thousands of locks these keys accessed.

At least I finally know the origin of that keyring I found with the message, "Please return to Homer Simpson."

Pentagon is First Class

2003-11-09T15:06:00.000-05:00

While most flights are supposed to be coach tickets, 68,000 first class tickets were purchased by individuals through the Pentagon. The cost of these tickets was $124 million, so I guess the F*ckin' Idiots here are us - the taxpayers.

David Blaine and the "Dive of Death"

2003-11-06T15:38:00.000-05:00

Blaine describes his next showcase, diving several hundred feet from a helicopter into a river and explains that only a few have survived this daring (or totally stupid) stunt. We can only hope that he is not one of them.

Microsoft forgets to renew domain names for Hotmail

2003-11-06T09:38:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure who is the F*ckin' Idiot in this story involving Microsoft and a "kind soul" who came to their rescue. There are actually two individuals who have now purchased expired Hotmail domain names (in 1999 and 2003) - only to give them back to Microsoft.

The guy in 1999 received a $500 check and some free software. He seems cool enough - auctioning off the check for charity. The 2003 individual is not reported as having received anything from MS.

Maybe I am an @$$hole, but when it comes to MS, I'd hold out for some hard cash.

"Warning Shot" passes through teen's leg

2003-11-05T19:36:00.000-05:00

This F*ckin' Idiot claims to have been firing a warning shot at teens who were playing Halloween pranks yet the shot passed through the leg of one of the teens. Isn't the idea of a warning shot to NOT hit the target? I believe one does this by shooting up into the air. Did this guy think his "target" would get the additional scare if he could hear the bullet whizzing by?

Who needs snow?

2003-11-04T14:36:00.000-05:00

While there is probably a reason why they are call SNOWmobiles, this CheeseHead didn't want to wait for the snow. Instead, his snowmobile went too fast and out of control into a tree.

Every time I read of a death like this I hope and pray that Darwanism is at work.

"Pedestrian Lodged in Windshield"

2003-11-04T14:23:00.000-05:00

This F*ckin' Idiot is 29-years old and drives a 1991 Honda Accord. He probably lives with mom as well. The driver in question managed to hit a pedestrian, get him lodged in the windshield and drive several blocks before the pedestrian was shaken loose. Meanwhile, he NEVER KNEW that he had hit a human (or so he says).

When I first read this I wasn't sure that "Pedestrian Lodged in Windshield" was accurate - but I read on to discover that it was entirely accurate.

Pumkins Shouldn't Swear

2003-10-31T17:39:00.000-05:00

A 13-year old carved the words F*CK OFF into her Jack-o-Lantern and neighbors got upset. I like that the story quotes, "Carrie White, an outraged neighbor, who lives next door to the cursing pumpkin." Like the pumpkin did anything wrong.

Can you hear me now?

2003-10-31T15:27:00.000-05:00

Good! I can't imagine even using those toilets, let alone doing this. I'll refrain from the jokes about his wife calling, and him being in it up to his elbows--or did I. The scariest part is, someone had to flush it. Who flushed it? He did. "Maybe if I flush it, it will be cleaner." Go sit in the corner, moron.

Protection From Pornography Week

2003-10-31T14:47:00.000-05:00

I'd better be careful with this one - so hear me out and don't assume that I am encouraging child porn or anything insane like that.

So there is this proclamation of "Protection From Pornography Week, 2003" as signed by Dubya. I have no issue with protecting our children from porn - this is a good thing. However, what the heck does this proclamation mean? It doesn't state that for this week we'll all act as Big Brothers or Big Sisters - it just declares these days to protect us from porn.

Dubya is an idiot. Period. No new news here.

BTW - I have a separate issue with the fact that this (and other White House documentation) is signed "in the year of our Lord two thousand three". Whose Lord? What happened to separation of Church and State?

Homer: "Where's the ANY Key?"

2003-10-31T09:41:00.000-05:00

I'm personally guessing this was posted by a support person as a joke. However, joke or not, "Mevans" (author of this Compaq FAQ) is a F*ckin' Idiot! for posting this on the HP/Compaq site.

Wastewater - The New Orange Juice

2003-10-30T13:35:00.000-05:00

Leave it to the overly lazy folks in Florida to haul orange juice in trucks that once carried toxic wastewater. Even though the wastewater contained such harmful compounds as cyanide and arsenic, the FDA says that this is a safe practice.

Safe, legal or otherwise, Tropicana and Minute Maid have ceased working with this transport company on the simple concept that this is not a good practice.

Want the power to change traffic lights?

2003-10-29T13:51:00.000-05:00

Kockoff MIRT devices that change red traffic lights to green, originally designed for emergency vehicles, are finding their way out the the public. Best yet, they aren't even illegal.

Can you say "suicide intersections?"

Brad & Jennifer - Middle East Diplomats?

2003-10-28T12:12:00.000-05:00

At least Arnold as California governor means that he rules over the very Hollywood world that he lives in. But now, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Danny DeVito think they can bring peace to the Middle East.

The good news from this story is that if they go over there, they might get blown away in a suicide attack. Not that I condone suicide bombings, but let's look on the bright side.

NYC Tries to Locate Cell Phone Dead Zones

2003-10-28T12:06:00.000-05:00

Great. Another monumental waste of taxpayer money at a time when the budget is already in crisis. I really like Bloomberg, (well, usually) but his initiative for the city to help cell phone providers find dead zones is just silly.

Sure, KNOWING you can call 911 from your cell phone would be a plus, but should we really spend money to assist the private sector like this? Tell Verizon & Friends to get off their ass and dig into their pockets for this study. Don't slam me with the bill - I already come close to regurgitation when I see the number of taxes and fees on my cell phone bill!

Telemarketers are Truly F*ckin' Idiots

2003-10-28T09:02:00.000-05:00

While the headline is accurate, I am actually taking this opportunity for a Public Service Announcement of sorts. Instead of being rude to telemarketers, why not be silly and make 'em laugh? You may do more than foil their call to you - you may even throw them off their game, thus saving a couple of other innocents from the upcoming solicitation.

Butt Hole Road

2003-10-27T08:56:00.000-05:00

Butt Hole Road is really the name of a street in Northern England. The family in this story decided to move from the road because they couldn't take the constant jokes - and the fact that deliveries wouldn't arrive since they'd think the street was a joke.

The sad part about this is that the true F*ckin' Idiots in this story are never mentioned - those that named the road.

If you can't do the time, don't fake the crime.

2003-10-25T23:07:00.000-04:00

This Brazilian idiot agreed to serve someone else's prison sentence in order to settle a debt. Then he got four more months once the jerks in charge figured out they'd been duped.

Little Boys with Stiffies

2003-10-23T15:51:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know - this title makes me sound like a pedophile. Trust me, it's appropriate.

Some 13-year old students in London took Viagra on a dare and were rushed to the hospital when evidence of the prank came to rise.

A funny quote in the article is that the boys were "monitored until the effects wore off." Who's the pedophile now?

You will not go blind from LaCrosse. I Promise.

2003-10-23T15:44:00.000-04:00

Buick just found out that the name of its new car, the LaCrosse, is slang used in Quebec meaning "masturbation". That's odd considering that lacrosse is also the National Summer Sport in Canada.

Changing a name because of its slang? How silly! Doesn't Buick know how many men use "LeSabre" to describe their genitals? (What? It's just me that does this? Oh, sorry.)

"Bored to Tears, Woman Hurls TV Out Window"

2003-10-22T13:39:00.000-04:00

TV, boring? Never!

Judge Takes the Rap

2003-10-22T12:44:00.000-04:00

A slander case against Eminem was decided in a Michigan court recently - by a judge who returned the verdict in the form of a rap "poem". This might sound cute, but the idea of a judge rapping from the bench is just way too Ally McBeal for me and makes a mockery of the system. Well, the system is already a mockery, but judges don't need to contribute to that any further.

Subway Surfer

2003-10-21T15:23:00.000-04:00

My counterpart over at ScaryNY reports on this sad story of a teenager who died while trying to surf on the roof of a NYC subway. Matt was gentle out of respect, but my gut reaction is a bit more harsh. I will refrain, slightly, from being too harsh, but in summary, this is beyond stupid.

I often watch the trains enter the station and look at how close they come to the steel beams, hanging signs and the ceiling. I am amazed that the trains themselves never "bump" into these objects. Now insert a human into this small remaining gap and, well, there is no way there won't be a tragedy.

My final comment is a quote from a cousin that I heard on ABC News soon after the facts were disclosed, "How could this happen?" Peer pressure is a terrible thing - apparently he was "dared" by a "friend" - tragedy all around.

Mother Shocked by Surprise Birth

2003-10-20T18:24:00.000-04:00

To complete the reproductive (or lack thereof) trilogy, this women reported indigestion and was discovered to be nine months pregnant. It is reported that her husband could not father children after a previous accident.

I recommend a second opinion. Or a paternity test.

Budget Cuts?

2003-10-20T18:21:00.000-04:00

After squandering money lent to him on such things as prostitutes, this man decided that, well, "slashing the budget" might help his cause. Without the "tools of the trade" perhaps he'll save the money he would spend on prostitutes.

I'll bet you didn't see this theme coming.

A Time and a Place

2003-10-20T18:18:00.000-04:00

There is a time and a place for everything. Somehow, though, I don't think that a judge should choose a trial in his courtroom as the time and place to masturbate. That, my friends, is a private matter. At least it should be.

No comment.

2003-10-17T12:22:00.000-04:00

"On Tuesday, Bush told his senior aides that he didn't want to see any stories quoting unnamed administration officials in the news media, and if he did, there would be consequences, a senior administration official who asked that his name not be used told the Free Press Washington bureau. "

No comment.

Pennies From Heaven. Well, no, prison.

2003-10-17T08:42:00.000-04:00

This Idiot decided to steal 18,000 pennies in a home invasion. I'm not sure how much $180 weighs in pennies, but I imagine that the TV weighs less.

Newlywed Nightmare

2003-10-15T18:49:00.000-04:00

Don't fly a small plane over a wedding in Serbia. "Firing guns into the air at weddings and other celebrations is common in Serbia." As strange as this sounds, it was only one of many flaws in the pilot's flight plan. They had no pilot's license, took artillery fire in a wing, and managed to run into power lines during their attempted crash landing. If I were them, I'd keep my feet firmly planted on the ground in the future.

A-L-L? Nope. Petrol!

2003-10-15T08:45:00.000-04:00

Man Attacks Stain in Trousers...Destroys Apartment, 'Nuff said.

Catholic Condoms Can Kill

2003-10-11T18:01:00.000-04:00

According to the Catholic Church, condoms don't protect individuals from contracting AIDS during sexual encounters. The WHO and practically every other scientific organization around the world disagrees - so why does the Vatican believe otherwise?

And, by the way, the Vatican's scientific defense when challenged by the data supplied by other organizations saying they are safe? The Vatican's Cardinal Trujillo said: "They are wrong about that... this is an easily recognisable[sic] fact." You don't say?

Chiba predicts automotive theft of the future?

2003-10-09T16:10:00.000-04:00

In an earlier post, Yours Truly compares the ease at which a F*ckin' Idiot got a test drive of an exclusive Ferrari with the difficulty of a sane person getting one in a Dodge Viper. Little did I know that a week later I'd add a F*ckin' Idiot story to the site involving a Dodge Viper.

The story isn't too exciting, but the Idiot in question stole a Dodge Viper but only got four blocks before wrecking it. Nice driving, kid.

False teeth lead police to suspect

2003-10-09T12:39:00.000-04:00

If you break into a house and leave your false teeth behind (which have your name engraved on them, by the way) you may as well steal something. Well, this Idiot, did not. He broke into a house, left his hat and his false teeth behind, and stole nothing. Not too bright.

The best part of the article, though, is the following quote:

"I never paid no attention. I was looking for things that were missing; I wasn't looking for teeth," Coill said later. "I have fell over fences and done everything else in my life and I have never lost my dentures. How he lost his is beyond me."

I don't want to say that residents of Indiana are hicks, but...

First "Pot for Tots" and now "Dollars for Deliveries"

2003-10-05T11:40:00.000-04:00

The BBC reports that Italy will now pay its residents to have more children. Why? Primarily because declining birth rates have interfered with the ability of today's working class to support the pensions of retirees. So, let's have more kids with less natural resources to support them! (Shouldn't they consider reworking the pension funding model instead?!?)

The article talks about kids as though they are some manufactured product, "we won't have enough young people to pay for welfare system, pensions, health and so on." This cannot be a healthy attitude towards humans.

The article closes with the only comment even close to logical, "To reverse this trend and to re-populate Italy, parents do not just need a cash bonus, they also need long term investment to improve social support and change attitudes."

Still a scary concept all around. Cash for kids. Hasn't the United States proven many times over that paying for "unwanted" children is a terrible idea?

An Evil F*ckin' Idiot

2003-10-05T09:31:00.000-04:00

Anti-gay preacher Fred Phelps of Wyoming has announced intentions to erect a monument in a City Park dedicated to:

"MATTHEW SHEPARD, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in Defiance of God's Warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22."

Matthew Shepard was the gay college student brutally murdered in Wyoming in 1998. The article says all their is to say about this fool. He might be a preacher, but there's no way Phelps is a Christian.

Pot for Tots?

2003-10-03T14:38:00.000-04:00

I can't take credit for the title, I stole it from a post on FARK. The article speaks for itself - "trailer park trash" dad shares his weed with his kids.

Rob Bank, Remove Mask, Get Caught

2003-10-03T14:35:00.000-04:00

It never ceases to amaze me that this particular criminal stupidity is repeated every few weeks. This British bank robber removed his mask before leaving the bank and cameras got a perfect mug shot of him.

Clear example of Darwinism, if you ask me.

English Bloke to Avert Death on Live TV

2003-10-02T10:57:00.000-04:00

You think American reality TV is over the top? In Britain, a man will play Russian Roulette on live TV and he claims that he "can tell" which chamber the bullet is in. When he reaches that chamber, he will shoot the gun into the air to prove it.

The show claims that this will not glamorize gun violence. "We are dealing with it in the most serious and strenuous way possible," they say. Wouldn't the most serious way to deal with this be to keep it off the bloody telly?

Dopes with Duffels of Dope

2003-09-30T17:41:00.000-04:00

When driving through Washington State with 200 kilograms of marijuana and 52 kilograms of cocaine, don't litter. Tossing a used cigarette butt out a car window attracted local police who's drug-sniffing canine, Echo, then discovered the drugs - valued at around $2.5 million USD.

Quote of the day? "With that much dope, Echo almost had a stroke," the sheriff said.

Dummies Destroy Dali

2003-09-30T13:54:00.000-04:00

In 1965 Dali gave a work of his, the Crucifixion of Christ, to Rikers Island. In 2003 the warden of said facility "made mincemeat out of Dali" to cover up a theft of the painting. The article isn't clear, but it seems that the warden and three others successfully pinched the painting but then got nervous about it. So what did they do? They destroyed the work. Now THAT'S a plan!

Better still is the quote that they poached the painting because the warden thought "it would be funny." I can hear them laughing now.

Can I test drive this $729,000 Ferrari without a license? Of course you can!

2003-09-29T18:18:00.000-04:00

A very rare Ferrari F50 was stolen from a dealer in Philly during a test drive. While the theft of a three-quarter million dollar racer does not qualify anyone as an idiot, this dealer is clearly a F*ckin' Idiot! The dealer allowed the "nattily dressed man" to test drive the vehicle without a license and on his own. I have no idea why.

What kills me is that a wealthy friend of mine took a Dodge Viper for a test drive back when they first hit the dealers. In order to convince the dealer to let him take me along instead of the dealer (it's a two-seater) he had to leave an open credit card and await a background check. Granted the background check only took five minutes, but this was only a $66,000 car. Yet they let anyone take out a $729,000 car in Philly. Go figure.

Breast Presence

2003-09-29T12:44:00.000-04:00

Maria Carey - er, I mean, MARY Carey is a porn star running for governor in California. Carey's films include "New Wave Hookers 7" which is a rather typical title for something in the background of a California governor, if you ask me. Sales of her films are on the rise (as well as other things) since her campaign began. One of the items on her platform is to tax breast implants.

Sounds like it could be Maria Carey, doesn't it?

Judge Holds Jury Hostage

2003-09-29T12:27:00.000-04:00

Well, technically, they are not hostages. However, an Oakland judge refuses to declare a hung jury despite 55 days of deliberation and the jury twice stating that they are "hopelessly deadlocked."

At least they can claim their $15 a day for jury service.

"Can You Hear Me Now?" Brick

2003-09-29T07:21:00.000-04:00

Teenage con artist sells cell phones on auction sites, but sends winning bidders a brick instead. Wouldn't his shipping costs be lower if he sent an empty box? Not an economics student I presume.

Japanese Shed Thick Skin. And Clothes.

2003-09-29T07:17:00.000-04:00

Apparently too ashamed to do this in their own country, a few hundred Japanese tourists participated in a huge orgy while visiting China. It is interesting that the Japanese government needs to get involved; the best is this quote from a government official, "Generally speaking, you are expected to behave yourself in a foreign country."

Advice to criminals - Advertise your crime in local paper

2003-09-28T15:09:00.000-04:00

Criminals are a great target for this blog since they are so often F*ckin' Idiots! This student in Nebraska stole a bunch of street signs and then got his picture with the signs into the local paper. The best part? The local police say "an arrest could be forthcoming." What more do they need? For the culprit to bring the signs down to the precinct along with his photo ID?

Criminal Uses Employee's Credit Card

2003-09-28T14:56:00.000-04:00

Another incident where a criminal basically shows his bounty to the victim or his co-workers. This guy tries to buy a drink at a restaurant and pay for it with the credit card of a server that works there. Diligent employees engaged in a "walking chase" of the culprit until police got there. I'll bet that police "crawled up to him" before asking him to surrender.

Want to avoid paying a loan? Go to jail.

2003-09-28T08:43:00.000-04:00

Not sure why this guy in Taiwan didn't just cut out the middleman. He robs a bank with a toy gun and then waits for police to arrest him. Why? He wants to go to jail to avoid a loan shark that he owes money. Couldn't he have simply reported the loansharking and gone to jail without bothering with the bank?

Iraq has been lost or stolen?

2003-09-25T19:43:00.000-04:00

Listing removed from eBay titled "Iraq - Near Mint Country for Sale". It appears that the country has been "lost or stolen". Nice.

Legally Drunk? How About Legally Dead?

2003-09-25T19:32:00.000-04:00

An Ohio man drove, or rather flew his SUV into a pond. The driver was found to be legally drunk, in addition to dead, when found the next morning. While this guy is clearly a F*ckin' Idiot, the article is absolutely hysterical. Here are a few of the quotable notables:

"After becoming airborne, the SUV touched the ground briefly at the edge of the lake before going into the water, police said."
"No skid marks were found at the scene."
"Police Chief John Bruce said the SUV was traveling at a high rate of speed." (No kidding)
"The noise caused several of the residents to look outside, but none saw anything out of the ordinary..." (Apparently overturned SUVs show up in this pond often)
And the best one, "Stay tuned to WLWT Eyewitness News 5 and ChannelCincinnati.com page for updates throughout the day." (UPDATES? Man dead, SUV wrecked, pond polluted - end of story)

Reality TV

2003-09-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

It is pretty hard to steal a 50 inch TV and not get caught. Two students tried to steal such a TV from a Lutheran College residence hall in Nebraska. Might sound dumb, but this is pretty much the state that also brought us cow-tipping. Oh, yeah, I forgot, that is dumb, too.

Have Checks, Should Travel

2003-09-25T10:49:00.000-04:00

A criminal in Charleston County, South Carolina ripped off some checks and then tried to cash them at the bank where the victim works. Now having the victim work at the bank you go to is really just a terrible coincidence, but wouldn't you take the checks to a different bank? Better still, take the checks to a different city, idiot.

Would You Like to See My Trouser Snake?

2003-09-24T11:51:00.000-04:00

These snakes came with a Swedish Meatball.

It seems an unidentified 28 year old Swede attempted to smuggle eight snakes, including dangerous King Cobras, into Australia by strapping them to his legs. ""This detection ... sends a clear warning to those who may seek to breach Australia's laws at the border," says Australian Justice Minister Chris Ellison. No kidding.

"I got lost in my own back yard."

2003-09-22T18:32:00.000-04:00

Sorry, folks, I am NOT making this up. Norman Robson managed to get lost in his own backyard while walking his three dogs. The story is short and rather fun to read, especially such fine points as:

Neighbor's name is Mr. Bigger
Dog's names are King, Queen and Chuck
Queen is still missing "after choosing to ditch Mr Robson earlier in the day"
Police and up to 60 volunteers helped in the search (they can't count to 60 to be sure of the number?

Another 'Nearly' - This One in America

2003-09-22T18:20:00.000-04:00

Comcast is putting a lid on broadband use - or is it? The ISP is sending letters to its high volume users and asking them to cut down on their downloads. By how much? They won't say. So I guess that if I were to get a letter from them I can assume that I 'nearly' pissed them off.

WARNING: Working at the DMV can make you dumb

2003-09-22T10:52:00.000-04:00

Oh, you already knew that the DMV made your brainwaves act kind of funny, did you? Michael Dye seemed to enjoy the funky brain activity, but little did he know that his brain cells were being killed.

As a "joke", the 18-year old part time employee asked a coworked to print him a new license with a fake birthdate on it and offered to pay him $20 for it. I don't know about you, but I usually don't pay others to listen to my jokes. Maybe I should, they are pretty bad jokes. Michael was asked to resign or face charges of bribery. He resigned - but now he wants his job back. Good to know that today's youth aspire to such lofty roles in society.

"You Haven't 'Failed' - You've 'Nearly Passed'"

2003-09-22T10:40:00.000-04:00

I generally try not to quote the headlines, but this one is worded so well. In England, students may soon be unable to fail a class and would receive an "N" instead of an "F" (the "N" is for "Nearly Passed").

I am beginning to thing that the Brits are way more out of touch with reality than most of the world. This is not to say that Americans are better people (think Jesse Ventura and George Bush as a reminder that we are not) but the English are so very out of touch. Nearly Passed? What's next? "Mom, I'm kinda pregnant."

David Blaine a big Beatles fan?

2003-09-19T14:08:00.000-04:00

While my friends across the pond seem to think that David Blaine's starvation stunt will fail, one of those silly Brits is involved in a ruckus nearby. Never mind why Paul McCartney was involved in a spat near the "Blaine Box" - my question is still, "why do we care?"

Isabel won't harm us, we live in a trailer!

2003-09-18T17:23:00.000-04:00

Honestly, this is just plain sad. Wendy Miles and her daughter will stay in their trailer and ride out the storm. Sadder still is that the trailer is on an island. Can you say "storm surge"?

Continuing on with Hurricane Madness, we find Jim McMahon who isn't boarding his windows because he "wants new ones." Any plans to replace the carpet, Jim? How about those shards of glass you'll be extracting from the family cat?

England's Most Dangerous Driver

2003-09-18T17:15:00.000-04:00

"Williamson freely admits he likes driving drunk but claims he is not a bad driver because he has not injured anyone on the road." Mr. Williamson has been banned from driving for life. EIGHT TIMES! Says Williamson, "I would be very grateful for one last chance. Prison isn't the answer." And why not?

Priest or Pastor, What's the Difference?

2003-09-18T16:58:00.001-04:00

Well, priests sexually abuse little boys. Pastors, on the other hand, smuggle teenage girls across the Canadian border. Maybe 16 qualifies as an adult in the Great White North?

42 Minutes of Freedom

2003-09-18T16:58:00.000-04:00

Vothy Chhay was arrested 42 minutes after release - for THE SAME CRIME. This is not the brightest bulb...

Trash Talks

2003-09-18T15:53:00.000-04:00

Leave it to nowhere towns in the South like Sanford, Florida for a resident to express politics through his trash. This man piles trash all over his property, including the roof of his home, to assert his right to free expression. Even though it is "unsightly" (and probably, well, stinky.)

Police Lineup, "Say Cheese!"

2003-09-17T17:16:00.000-04:00

A British man who volunteered to be in a lineup (the Brits call it a "police identity parade") was later arrested for eating an officer's cheese sandwich. There are so many things funny about this story, but no one can tell it like those blokes across the pond, so I will let them do the talking. You really need to click through and read it. If the photo along with the article does not make you chuckle, give up all hope that you have any sense of humor.

In Bush We Trust. Oh, Brother!

2003-09-16T03:14:00.000-04:00

North Carolina counterfeiters are passing $200 bills bearing a likeness of Dubya at local stores. The bills are clearly meant as a joke. On the back of the bills are several signs posted on the White House lawn. These signs include "No More Scandals" and "We Like Broccoli" but did not include the obvious "You Are An Idiot If You Think This Is Real Money" sign.

"Truck Driver" Did Something "Stupid"

2003-09-15T19:40:00.000-04:00

You're kidding, right? Truck drivers are model citizens and could never do something stupid - like joke that their truck is full of explosives on 9/11. I'd like to find this story hard to believe, but I don't. I'd also like to believe that he was not wearing a plaid flannel shirt, blue jeans and a trucker hat - but I can't.

Getting Online is Progress, Right?

2003-09-15T16:40:00.000-04:00

Well, not in New York City. I got a parking ticket this morning (bummer of all bummers) and wanted to just pay it and get it out of the way. I notice the convenient "pay online" option on the ticket - perfect. I go to the site, put in the citation number and get this message:

The ticket you entered was not found. Please verify the ticket number and search again. Please note that parking violations issued in the past four weeks will not yet have been added to our database.

Did I mention that tickets must be paid within 30 days?